A Simp's Serenade
Fuck you.
What if I looked you straight in the eyes and spoke those words.
With conviction. I mean it.
Fuck you.
Venus is in retrograde. Till September. Damn. So like, everything I write now has a high probability of causing some sort of problem!? Like that. Thanks to some Reactionary Celestial body.
Ain't that a motherfucker.
Still fuck you. Fuuuuck you.
Charitable. That I might say with conviction, "I deserve better."
You deserve better.
We don't deserve anything lovely.
Utterly compromised.
Obviously I'm jealous. Grateful for that. That I can feel jealousy.
I want to blow up. I can. Don't mistaken me for something I'm not. But man it's difficult. When you look at someone and think "this is God's Gift to the Earth."
Lovely. Lovely you drive me crazy.
So very cruel so very cool.
I see right through you you know.
I'm sorry but you aren't a bad person. You don't have to give me shit. It's obvious.
Pondering you might think it's arbitrary.
You aren't God pretty lady. To love is to see through God's pov.
That soul of yours. Why else would I be so very smitten.
Married to you.
My time dilation.
To have you and kiss you and whisper terrible things in your ear.
To look at you and shudder and be left speechless. Exposed a stuttering cripple.
Here it is. Obsession.
Like bro. Fuck you. We're all self-destructive.
My kindness.
Hope the tooth feels better.
I would travel far just to watch you sleep. Some guy said that Pan died laughing. The way wordplay kills compulsion. I'm sorry for calling you a goat. You aren't. You're so pretty. You didn't ask for any of this. Not really right? I know what I did.
This isn't funny. This isn't funny at all.
How can I make it up to you? Is it even possible.
This shame is unbearable and yet here I am. Bleating for you. Bleating all through the night. Can you hear my tune?
That I traveled so very far just to watch you sleep.
If you're stuck in a Hell of your own making. I'm right there with you babe. You'll never be alone.
You see me don't you?
You can see me right?
In this vaporous form.
I'll make myself handsome for you I promise. So that you don't die of fright.
Why didn't you run? Why didn't you kick me away?
Why are you staring at me like that? Why do I advance?
Can you feel me?
Can this be called Love?
Lingering here to warm you. These kisses burn.
Can I keep you?
I can't touch you. I can't even reach you.
I would really like to keep you. Safe. I won't let anybody hurt you I promise.
I'm afraid I might kill you. That I might wake up one day...
"Hey Good Mo...OH MY GOD."
Having accidentally smothered you in our sleep. Even in death you're gorgeous.
That these strong arms might hold you too tightly and your spine might snap. The boxes I regularly pick up at work are very heavy. My love might prove too much for one as delicate and lovely as you.
Cradling your corpse. Tongue lolling. I wail. I bury my face in your stomach, blubbering.
"MY WOMAN!!! I KILLED MY WOMAN!!!!! I love her so much. How could this happen? WHY GOD!!! WHY!!!!!!!"
I'd find a way to use Big Magic to reanimate you for sure and you can have your vengeance. It would be welcomed.
Arms wrapped around your thighs. Cheek pressed against your belly.
"Koshka, why do you need me to die?"
Living within you, living without a heartbeat, as long as it's in you and only you.
What the fuck is happening. What is this?
What are you doing hanging around here? Hanging around these parts? Are you crazy? Don't you value your life? Don't you value freedom? Don't you value Heaven?
Bro I want to pick you up and shake you. I won't make an adulteress out of you do you understand? I'll die a virgin. Fuck it. I just want to watch you sleep, just once, go ahead call the cops I deserve it. The pulpit must condemn. The law must prosecute.
Briskly making my way to the stairs I refuse to break eye-contact. Slipping, I tumble to my death. Gravity has never been kind to me. Body all broken up. You framed in blue as the last thing I'll ever see. Freed from this pitiful sorcerer's grip.
You're the greatest person. My most precious treasure. Perfect woman.
Can I keep you?
I don't want to goon and glower anymore. I don't like this feeling.
From a young age I think, I've inhabited the refraction between thought and feeling. Good at navigating through clouds. Escapism up to a point. You end up learning to differentiate shades, a spectrum of affective states and shapes. What things can pass lest you bind them in a thinking-net. If you do how to release them. Come in all sizes. There are others slumbering in the depths. Sovereign of some submerged city. Their dreaming rumbles. It doesn't matter what you distract yourself with, it all serves to either obfuscate or bring to your attention, this deep thing.
I'm angry and I'm worried. I'm worried all the time.
It makes it difficult to flow. To break out. Tension.
I eat small sphere of fire. Swallow them up. Digest their phosphorus ignition. Setting a seal.
Anger and worry.
I'm tired of glowering and gooning.
The Age of Nuclear Sovereignty. "If you fuck with me the World is going to end." I imagine the speaker theatrically dusting-off their hands. Hark! The Age of the Mollusc is upon us.
People tend to be sadder than we like to imagine I think. This is all kind of silly. Misanthropy is an understandable response. People are much sadder than we might at first imagine. Best to remember that we're animals with a case of thinking, sprouting from our skulls. Calcifying, horn-like curling inward, piercing through subtle and supple flesh. Easily infected. Might lead to sepsis.
Bunch of weirdos.
Important to keep that in mind, find it helps soften the sentiment.
Dim, dull, and bitter. I still love you.
The person you described sounds like she really needs to get her act together.
Just want to learn how to love. Be a real person.
No. 3
And everything flows from another view seamless. Between four left feet trapsing over grand petals spiraling languid. Nourished by sighs, smothered giggles, furrowed brows, and branding kisses. Exhausted I'll carry you. 4-2-4. My love steady. Dauntless over glittering beams and through bubbling coral symmetries. Through intricate machineries and ballroom finery. Our eyes set amongst them. In Ouranos' wounds. Bleeding light. How small we appear from this other view. How endearing in our pretensions. This was and you'll always be. Steady now lovely. No more ground for us to fall through. We'll live. Through the doom can you hear them cheering. We aren't just this or that you know?